The right hand man’s moustache wax master class
As the Right Hand Man and I travel the world through extremes of climate and terrain, people often comment on our stiff upper lips and ponder ‘how do they keep it up?’
Well, dear chums, the Right Hand Man made a most engaging film, now showing on You Tube screens from Southport to Singapore. Naturally, being a man of letters, I took notes for my journal. You might find them informative...
First take a pocket comb and discover the middle of one’s moustache in order to train the hair off the upper lip.
Keep one’s Wax in a waistcoat or top pocket where body heat will ensure it remains warm and pliable at all times.
Captain Fawcett Waxes come in an ever developing range all of the same firm hold - bar my Expedition Strength Wax. This is made with carnuba wax, the strongest natural wax known to man and used to coat pills, sweets and, indeed, in car paint. Strewth! It is also just the ticket for a blizzard, Force 10 Gale or steamy encounter in the back streets of Shanghai. For every day purposes, however, any other of the Captain’s waxes is perfectly excellent and most certainly does the job.
I digress...when one is ready to extract the wax from the tin, use the back of the nail to remove a sizeable lump and rub it between the thumb and forefinger.
Work the wax into the hair of the top lip. Should you be blessed with both beard and moustache (bravo sir!) do consider how your own facial topiary works. We are all, thankfully, quite different and one’s face is a unique and individual work of art. So, separate the moustache from the beard and work with your own face shape and hair growth. And for heaven’s sake don’t be tempted to trim it. Let it grow!
Keep your chosen wax with you at all times and adjust your moustache as necessary throughout the day. You might use this gesture to distract attention if your pug should fart, or indeed, if you yourself have been indiscreet. Or, perchance, if playing for time whilst constructing a devastating witticism or clever retort, then by all means have a fiddle with your follicles in full view of the assembled party.
Should you find a pesky portion of white stuff (I refer, naturally to wax - what on earth did you think I meant?) won’t rub in, do briefly blast with hot air. The Right Hand Man insists he never uses a hair dryer but then, I believe we all know he produces quite enough hot air of his own.
And that dear fellows, is how one maintains a Stiff Upper Lip at All Times.