Behold the Hirsute Horrors
Behold the Hirsute Horrors of Hallowe’en - and how to vanquish them!
Something whiskered this way comes… The Captain has seen things - dreadful things - in the bathroom mirror and has vowed no gentleman under his watch shall suffer such indignity again. For the season of spooks is upon us and a host of hirsute horrors are here to haunt even the most gallant of gentlemen.
Behold Five Frightful Facial Follies - but fear not! Captain Fawcett is all tricked out to rescue you from tonsorial terrors and keep your facial foliage fright-free this All Hallows’ Eve.
The Curse of the Cobwebbed Chin
Gadzooks! A tangle so twisted it could trap a tarantula!
Remedy: A generous application of Captain Fawcett’s Beard Oil, fantastically fragrant elixirs to soothe even the most even the most bewitched of bristles.
The Phantom Patch
Holy smoke! Your moustache is fading into the ether… simply ghastly!
Remedy: Summon the restorative powers of your preferred Captain Fawcett Moustache Wax and resurrect your whiskers with a heroic hold. Fortune favours the bold!
The Spectral Shine
An undead dullness drifts like fog across your chin…
Remedy: A reviving dab of Beard Balm restores lustre, life and handsome human form. Huzzah!
The Were-Beard
A beastly mane grows wild under the full moon! Time for a transformation!
Remedy: Tame savage follicles with Captain Fawcett’s Folding Combs, portable civility at your claw-tip.
The Potion of Pungency
Followed by a foul-smelling fright right beneath one’s very nose?
Remedy: Cast out the curse with a Captain Fawcett Eau De Parfum, whispered to be conjured by moonlight in the Captain’s secret laboratory. The veil between alchemy and artistry grows thin…
The Captain’s Final Benediction
So, dear fellow travellers in the dark, fear not the fright night. While others drape themselves in ghoulish garb, you shall stride forth immaculately groomed. With a steady hand, a twirl of tradition and the Captain’s most trusted tonics, your visage shall remain devilishly distinguished and guaranteed to turn every head in the room, even those no longer attached at the neck…
And should you glimpse a phantom face behind you in the glass, fret not, it merely wishes its own reflection looked half so handsome. This way to Captain Fawcett’s Emporium of the Extraordinary…hurry before the clock strikes midnight!